“Females don’t Fall” – Adriana

What is your full name:

Adriana Moore

How old are you

33 years old

Give us a little biographical information about yourself 

I was born and raised in NYC. I have 2 brothers and a sister. I am a preacher’s kid so growing up, we were in church ALL THE TIME lol. Ok well not all the time, but at least 3 days a week. Basically church and God were my life growing up. I currently live in NJ and am married with 3 beautiful babies, Jeremy Jr. (9), Joshua (8) and Leila (2).

If I asked your closest friend, to give me 5 words they would use to describe you, what what he/she say?

  • Sweet
  • kind
  • goofy
  • powerful
  •  unstoppable

 

Do you see yourself the same way as your closest friend does? Yes/No explain.

Heck yea! I am definitely goofy. I LOVE to laugh. I love being silly with my kids and my former students. Ok who am I kidding? I am silly without the kids. I still watch Disney movies on my own (woohoo!). I feel powerful and unstoppable when I allow God to lead my life, and when I am in His presence. I have a big heart so I guess you can say I am sweet and kind :-P. I am also naturally a go-getter and very resourceful so I will find a way to make something happen and get it done!

What does happiness mean to you?

Freedom! Peace! Clarity! It means I get to be unapologetically me and live a life of purpose, being and doing all that God put me on this Earth to do. Happiness is me sleeping in (all the parents say “HECK YES!”), setting my own schedule, travelling the world, making lots of money, and serving others every single day. Happiness is me being a blessing and making a positive difference in the lives of others.  Happiness is spending time with my kids laughing, imparting wisdom and watching them soar! Happiness is me praying for someone and watching God break yokes and chains off of them, so they can be free and happy too!

What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?

Me! I stand in the way of complete happiness when I try to control my life and get in God’s way (“get off the wheel Adriana! No backseat driving!”); when I believe false narratives that I’ve told myself like “I don’t need to be a millionaire” or “I am not worthy of God’s miracles and abundant blessings” (umm…seriously Adriana! You totally are!) Oh! And me giving people too much power over me, and allowing them to control what I do or say. I used to care way too much about what people thought about me. I am naturally non-confrontational and it takes a lot for me to disagree and stand up for myself. Like I literally shake having to do it, but it is getting easier and easier every time I do it. I now know that my voice matters. I dimmed my light for years trying to please others and I lost me. I was hiding. But in September 2017, God told me to get off social media and spend some time with Him. “Wait what?? You want me to do what??” Clearly, I ignored it until He got my attention by using others to tell me the same thing…sigh. (God will find a way to get your attention.) So I did it and it was LIFE-CHANGING.

He basically helped me confront ME. He showed me how I’ve been hiding, and all He had in store for me if I would just show up and be myself. If I would just show up and be the woman of God He called me to be, happiness was mine! So I made a decision. I was going to be me no matter the cost. And yes there was a cost. I had to give up this people pleaser, goodie two shoes act I had kept up for so long. I had to take the mask off and be real with people, and disagree with and/or disappoint them. I remember having to stand up to my mom and let her know something she said bothered me. That was soo hard for me to do but I did it. She received it well and we were able to talk about it. And our relationship is 10 times better because of it. I know that may be small to some but when you are not a confrontational person, it’s a big deal to do that! I also began surrounding myself with women who didn’t have a problem speaking their mind and showing up for themselves. They embodied their womanhood, and was unapologetically them! So I started to do the same. I took time to figure out who I was, who God wanted to me, and what I was put on this Earth to do. And now happiness is mine!

If you could send a message to the world in 30 seconds, what would you say?

Let God lead! Seriously! You know nothing. He knows everything. Got it? Good!

What chances have you passed up on in your life that you now regret?

To be honest, I have no regrets. Every experience taught me something and made me better.

 

What would you do differently if you knew no one was judging you? Why do you care if people are judging you?

I would dance more, be more spontaneous, laugh MORE,and have more fun!!! I am doing it now, but for so long I felt like I couldn’t be me. Growing up as a Pentecostal Christian, I was put into a box. You had to sit a certain way, dress a certain way (long skirts, no tight pants, etc), look a certain way (no makeup or jewelry). You had to act “perfect” basically. You don’t show your “mess” to others. Keep that to yourself. You are not loud or boisterous. You don’t just get up and dance, unless it’s a praise dance LOL. You don’t do anything that’s going to draw attention to you. I never wanted to offend anyone because I thought that was the godly thing to do.

That was unrealistic and led to anxiety and depression, and me wanting to hide. I suppressed the real me. I didn’t speak up for myself or give my real opinion. I didn’t think it mattered. I didn’t think my voice mattered. Clearly I was wrong. It took God and 4 years of therapy to help me see that all those rules put on us were bogus and had nothing to do with my relationship with God. God didn’t ask for that, man did. God wanted to me to be ME. He wanted the real ME. And I have learned that those who are for me will be attracted to the real ME. And those who are not for me, PEACE! Lol.  

What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you and how did you continue to move forward?

I was suspended for a year in college for plagiarizing. That was so hard because I felt like I disappointed my parents, church family, everyone. I was the one who could do no wrong. I was the one that went to Princeton University, and then I messed it all up by making a dumb decision. Well decisions. Truthfully, I was a wild freshman. I had gone all the way to the left LOL. Just think preacher’s kid that tasted freedom for the first time! Yup that was me. So getting suspended was pretty much my wake-up call. I ended up spending 3 months abroad in Spain (some punishment, right?). I remember going to a church in Spain, and even though I wasn’t fluent in Spanish, I knew the presence of God and I got so overwhelmed I cried. I just cried and cried…like that ugly cry (so sexy). But I could feel God wrapping His arms around me and letting me know He’s got me and still loved me. I felt so ashamed because I knew I strayed away from His will for my life. But He didn’t care about that. He was welcoming back. And so I came back to Him. He helped me move past those choices and decisions. Going abroad also helped me grow up as I was in this foreign country on my own. It was a great experience and I came back to school a lot more focused.

What is the best thing that ever happened to you and what did you learn from that?

Letting God lead my life. He knows everything. And His plans are so much better than mine. His way is sooo much better. I have so much joy and peace. I am sooo HAPPY I can’t even explain it!

I feel so blessed and favored by Him. I have been in tune to the voice of God since 2008, but I didn’t always follow what He told me to do, mainly because it would make me stand out. Remember I wanted to hide and just “fit in”? So anything that required me to be ME wasn’t going to happen. So it really wasn’t until recently that I really let Him take the lead and drive my life.

And let me tell you, following His lead has brought me true joy, peace and fulfillment!

I quit teaching after 6 years, became an entrepreneur and I pretty much work for God. He birthed a prayer journal through me ( go buy it ;-)) to teach others how to hear His voice and let Him lead their lives, so they can unleash crazy blessings and miracles in their lives! Blessings like the ones I was experiencing. I’m talking unexpected 3 and 4 figure checks in the mail. An amazing trip to Malibu, California, where I stayed in this GORGEOUS house, and met and spoke with 2 celebrities (one of which was Tiffany Haddish..ahhh!). Oh and someone randomly gave me and a friend VIP floor tickets to see Bryson Tiller in concert. God’s just been dropping blessings from the sky.

Did I mention that I don’t have a salary, but all my bills are paid and we paid off ALL DEBT besides the mortgage?? How is that possible? God! He told me that He is my provider and He is coming through on His word!

If karma was coming back to you, what would happen to you?

I don’t believe in karma, but if I reap what I sow, I believe I would be blessed! I would reap riches, joy, and blessings. I try to put good out there in the world. I pray for others. I give them messages from God. I give to those in need when God leads me to. So I believe I would get that back. Now if this was back in my college days, I would reap negativity, judgment, people gossiping about me and cheating on me (too real??).

What terrifies you the most?

Dogs. I am terrified. Lol. Ok that’s probably not what you meant.

I guess at this point in my life, being outside of God’s will. I know I keep talking about God but it’s because I’m obsessed! Deal with it. LOL 🙂 But seriously, I really don’t want to go back to life where I was in control because that was depressing and full of anxiety. I am loving this peace and joy that I am experiencing.

What did you want to be as a kid, why? Are you doing that now? If not, why not?

I wanted to be a teacher. I did that for 6 years and loved it. Then last September when I went back to school, I just felt “blah”. No passion for teaching anymore, and God said “this is your last year teaching”. I was like “umm what?! But we had a plan. I was going to teach for 5 years, get my national teacher certification, get my principal certification and open up my own school for inner city underprivileged youth. That was the plan!” And He was like “that was YOUR plan.” Ouch. So evidently I never consulted God about my plans, and He had another path for me.

I thought I was going to be a fitness coach full time because that was my side hustle while I was teaching. But in September 2017, when God told me to go dark, get off social media and spend time with Him, He told me that there was a daily word I was supposed to give every day.

I was to go live on Facebook every day and share this word. So I was obedient and did it. I think like 2 people watched. I was like “ummm Lord. Are you sure?” Then He told me to go live and pray every day at 6am on Tuesday-Friday. That was nerve wracking because now I had to reveal my gift of intercession to the world. I knew I was an intercessor (prayer warrior) and God gifted me with the ability to break and destroy weights, shackles and yokes off His people through prayer, but I hid that part of me. I didn’t want to stand out, remember?  But now He was asking me to, so I surrendered and did it. And wow! So many people told me how much the prayers blessed them and how much they needed it. That helped me continue to obey God.

So at the end of October, He told me to create a prayer journal. I released the journal on December 18th (go get it!) and it is blessing my life! Remember those crazy blessings God’s been unleashing in my life, it’s because I am being intentional about spending time with Him each morning. I am in His presence, hearing His voice and obeying His voice. I show Him that He matters to me. I express gratitude over everything. No blessing is too small for me not to be grateful.

So yes I say all to say, God is my boss and I am letting Him lead. I work from 10am-2pm every day, besides the 6am prayer. And it feels sooo good! (Well when I stick to those hours. I get so excited that I work past that most days, but I am trying to be more intentional this year about sticking to those hours.)

God has been opening so many doors for me to collaborate with other entrepreneurs, and share my prayer journal. So who knows what’s next for me? He is literally in charge, and gives me the next steps daily.

This has been a crazy journey. There are moments of fear that rise like worrying about not having a job title, and He’s like don’t worry about it. Just be you, and let Me be Me. And live. So that’s what I am doing.

I am so much happier and there really is no limit to God. He told me recently to ask Him for what I REALLY want. I had been limiting Him by what I thought I was worthy of, and He’s like “Adriana I want to give you the world, so let Me”. So now I’m like “God make me a millionaire.” 🙂 YAASSS!!!

Whose life have you had the greatest impact on?

Oh wow. Hmm… I guess my 3 kids. They watch my every move, and they ask so many questions. I am constantly teaching them, and pouring into it. We talk about EVERYTHING. NO subject is off limits, and I give them space to be them. That was important to me. I really encourage them to be proud of who they are, and let their voices be heard. They are all so strong and opinionated, even my 2 year old LOL. And even though it can be challenging at times, I know it will serve them well in the future. They love God and love to hear me pray for others. “You sound like a preacher mommy”. LOL. My boys tell me that all the time. “Nope mommy is not a preacher. I’m an intercessor. I pray for people”. My boys also take time to read the Bible, and pray to God in the mornings. My middle child Joshua comes into my room every morning at 6:45am, so we can read the Bible together and discuss it. I love that they take their time with God seriously and want to study His word. I am leaving a legacy of Christ followers, and nothing makes my heart happier. With God leading their lives, they’re going to be set for the future.

Who has had the biggest impact on your life and why?

My mom. She always taught me to go after my dreams. She taught me to love God above all, and to obey His voice. She is a professional violinist and violist. I watched her use her gifts to bless others, and I watched God provide for us growing up. She was fearless for God, and she didn’t play when it came to praying and coming against any evil spirits. Her prayers had demons trembling. She taught me what it meant to love and trust God.

What do you want most out of your life?

I want to please God. Duh LOL.

How do you plan on getting there? What is your goal and outcome to achieve # 19?

Keep being intentional with hearing His voice, and being a vessel for Him to use to bless others.

What is something that you have given up on? How did you feel?

Hiding me. I feel FREE!

Also trying to do everything. I have learned to ask for help. I am in the process of looking for a housekeeper, personal chef, nanny. Ain’t no shame in my game! I need help. I need to be free to do all that God has shown me that He wants me to do. I see myself on stages all across the world. I will need some family support and help. So if anybody out there knows anybody in NJ, hook a sister up!

What is something you should have given up on? How did it make you feel?

People pleasing. It made me feel fake and not me. And I’m glad I finally gave up on it.

Would your life be better or worse, if you knew the time and place where you would die? Explain. 

Oh Lord! Worse. I like to focus on living LOL.

What would people say at your funeral? Are you happy with what would be said? Explain.

She found her voice and she LIVED. She was unapologetically her and brought so much light to this world. She will be missed, but we take comfort in knowing that she is leaving behind a legacy of go getters who are taking this world by storm, and making the world a better place.

Yes very happy. This is my goal. This is how I’m living these days and how I want to continue to live. Someone save this and say this at my funeral LOL.

If not now, then when?

NOW always NOW. No more wasting time for me. When God says move, I’m going to move.

Are you holding onto something, you need to let go of?

My will. While I know God’s way is better, I still have a hard time letting go of my will and my desires. I question Him a lot, but I am getting better.

Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?

Strength. As my coach says, “the breakdown comes before the breakthrough”. Crying is a release. It frees my soul. And then opens me up to the answers for my breakthrough.

I used to think it was a weakness because I was always looked down upon for being so sensitive and crying all the time. So I tried my hardest not to cry. Again hiding me. Now I see it as strength. I feel so much, and I need to get it out.

If you had a friend/family member who spoke to you in the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?

Before 2017 I would say years. I tolerated a lot from people because I didn’t know my worth, so I let people treat me as less than my worth. Now those people would be gone in 5 seconds. Lol.

And now because I speak life over myself, and words of affirmation daily, they would know my worth and speak positivity into my life as well, so I guess they’d be around for as long as God says they should be in my life.

Even though some people may speak positively to me, God tells me not to hang around them or allow into my life. And then there are some that are supposed to be in my life for a season (maybe like 3-5years). And then there are those that are meant to be there for life. It took time to discern the difference. But I know what it feels like when God says no and/or this season is over.

When have you felt as if life was unfair? Explain.

After getting my Master’s Degree in Math Education from Rutgers University in 2009, and I couldn’t find a job as a math teacher anywhere! Here I was with a Bachelor’s from Princeton University and a Master’s degree, and unemployed. Life felt sooo unfair. I had a 2 and 3 year old. And bills were piling up. That was a rough season. But even in that time, God was using me to call people and pray for them. He was softening the bill collectors’ hearts so that they accepted late payments. He showed up and gave us a big tax return so we could afford daycare for the kids while I looked for a job. He was our provider back then. I just didn’t see it at the time. I focused on getting a JOB with a steady paycheck.

Time or money?

Money. That was what came to mind first.

What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

I regret not Being me sooner!

What was the best or worst part about working on this activity?

The best part was realizing how far I have come. In the last 4 years through prayer and therapy, I have come a long way. There is a GOD! Lol. I am a walking miracle y’all. It also made me aware of how good God is and how He has prepared me for this moment.

What is something you hope that other readers take away from your responses?

I hope that people let go of the wheel and let God lead. The best way to do that is to purchase my prayer journal and join our amazing online community. It really is amazing and life changing. Not only do you learn get to have an amazing spiritual experience with God daily, but in our private online community you will be surrounded by like-minded people who will be there to support you on this journey. We will celebrate every victory and blessing that comes your way. And we will be there to pray, support and help you in times of struggle. It really is a big family, and there’s sooo much love and encouragement there. Oh and the best part is that you get access to this community for the year!

Sign up here: https://riseupwarriors.lpages.co/hear-my-voice/

Best investment you will ever make in your life.

ALL this for ONLY $30! What?! Yes I know it’s steal. So once again, you get a Prayer e-journal with unlimited space to write and daily guided journal pages, 1 year access into our phenomenal private community, a 1 hour interactive webinar where I walk you through how to use the journal AND time with ME 😀!

To stay in touch with me, follow me on social media:

Facebook: Rise Up Warriors

YouTube: Rise Up Warriors

And join us for 6am PRAYER Tuesday-Friday LIVE on Facebook

 

Rejecting Resolutions

New Year’s resolutions, we all have made them at some point in our lives. What is it, about the turn of the year that makes this the “official” starting point for working on ourselves?

According to History.com “The practice of making resolutions for the new year is thought to have first caught on among the ancient Babylonians. They made promises, in order to earn the favor of the Gods and start the year off on the right foot.”

Well, we certainly don’t have to sacrifice to the Gods/ Goddesses any longer, so what gives? I mean we all want to start off everyday on the right foot but the start of the year just seems more appropriate, right?  We tend to set our resolutions with positive intentions because we reflect on how our year went. As December comes to a close we decide if we want to make changes in the new year. 

Typically, our resolutions have to do with the areas in our life that we feel we “failed” in. So our new year’s resolutions stem from our failures. That already seems like a bad idea, if you ask me. Why should our “failures” be leading us into the new year?

New year, new you (barf)! There is just something about the entire new year, new you mantra that truly bothers me. I guess because I already accept myself for who I am, so why do I need to change? Why do you have to change?

I remember making resolutions as young as thirteen years old because that is what normal thirteen year olds do, right? I remember one resolution I made when I was in eighth grade, it  was to make honor roll. Laughable, that resolution was about as useful as eating soup with a fork. I could have predicted my failure if I was honest with myself. My main purpose at school was to socialize, so guess how long that resolution lasted? Less than a week because homework and studying didn’t fit into my plan. Studying and homework cut into my social gatherings and then my talking time on AOL instant messenger, DUH. So, when report cards came out, there was no honor roll bumper sticker for my mom’s Nissan Sentra. Wishes don’t always come true. Oh well.

The ironic part is that none of the resolutions I have ever made, have stuck. Most people who make resolutions only stick to them until February but most are less than a month.  There are only 8% – 12% of people who keep their resolutions and follow through (well done committed folks.)

I was never included in that 8% -12% of achievers. The truth is because I didn’t want to change. I didn’t find these resolutions that I was making, just for the sake of making, important enough. I was dishonest with myself about what was meaningful to me. My dishonesty contributed to my inability to commit to the changes I was setting. 

Making New Year’s Resolutions in my opinion is a guaranteed way, for you to feel shitty about yourself. Resolutions are pretty much self-inflicted punishment to your self-esteem.  The incompletion of our resolutions, make our failures even more painful to face. In just a few short weeks, after the first of the year, we are already feeling like a failure. How much sense does that really make? We all know that is not our intention but would we really set resolutions, if we knew they weren’t going to work out? Yes. The answer is yes. Humans love to torture themselves.

Over 92% of people lose their resolutions as they sink into the dead resolutions abyss. This occurs pretty quickly as we know, within the first 10% of the year. I mean it does not matter what type of resolution we make, they all just kind of sink if we let them. Weight loss, self-improvement, positive changes, not buying this or that, whatever we set out to do is hard to achieve if we don’t actually believe in ourselves. So cliché really.

If you want to start the new year off on the right foot. Make sure you feel passionate about the changes you want to see. Whatever it is don’t even set it up for yourself if it is something you truly don’t want. Resolutions can’t be attained if we are not honest with ourselves. If we do not prepare, failure is inevitable (sorry to be Debbie Downer.) Here are a few reasons why we don’t find success with our resolutions.

We want results too fast.

There is no instant gratificication when it comes to goals.

We don’t have a plan.

We are too obsessed with achieving.

We don’t have the social support (no accountability.)

We bite off more than we can chew.

We aren’t honest with ourselves.

January first may be the official turn of the year and the start of the new calendar but that doesn’t mean that we have to dedicate the turn of the year, as the day we need to change ourselves. Making changes in our life can/should occur whenever we are ready to commit to honestly changing. That is when we will actually witness evolution within ourselves. Don’t wait until January first to smash goals, conquer dreams or improve our lives. Those things never have an official start date.

My advice to you, as you set out in 2018 is to always be honest with yourself. If you can be honest and accept yourself, you will find success in all areas of your life. My new mantra is “New Year, KNOW you.” Make sure you know yourself well enough before committing to any type of personal change. That is true success.

I wish you a very happy, healthy and successful new year. May 2018 bring you beauty and blessings!

 

Continue “Doing Life” your way, not theirs.

We’re so Social!

Follow us today!

Facebook – Doing Life

Instagram- @doing_life_17

Beautifully, Unbalanced

People always ask me, “how do you do it all?”

Psst…… I have a secret, are you ready to hear it?

 

I don’t do it all.

I can’t do it all.

If you think I can do it all, well thank you but that simply is not the case. I am a big proponent for telling it like it is, showing it like it is and not  bull shitting about the authenticity of my life. I don’t want anyone believing, I do it all with ease.

I do not take that compliment lightly. When people believe I have my shit together I am first and foremost flattered. Yet it leaves me wondering what it actually means, “to have your shit together.”  I just want this to be a firm reminder that I don’t actually have my shit together. I know most giggle and say “ya right”when I say I don’t but it’s not a joke, it’s the truth. If shit is together, it doesn’t belong to me.

The difference is “I do a lot”, just like everyone else but I am not an exemplar by any means. My life navigation skills are about as good as the Captain of the Titanic, if you catch my drift. Boy do I look good from the outside.  Inside, I am just trying to get shit done and not sink myself in a wine barrel, while doing so. Standards are high.

There is no secret to balancing life, at least that I am aware of. There is no secret to fix an unbalanced life. If there is, I am not privy to that either.  The only secret is navigating through your life and making everything work for that moment.  In all honesty, I am a huge proponent of just making things work at that moment.

What is the point of thinking about a week or two out, when you have not even conquered your day yet? It welcomes stress and anxiety to overrun the day. For me personally, balance is kind of nonexistent. When you are a wife, mother, working professional, business owner, maintaining some “idea” of balance would be as easy as walking in quick sand.

It’s all the in between stuff which sends my life propelling forward like a boomerang. It’s ugly, it’s rough, my life is tugging at my arms like Stretch Armstrong. I am constantly being torn in a billion directions and I have to tell you, that I am about as flexible as a piece of wood. Sad but true.

 

Beautifully, Unbalanced 

Part I

I’ll go into balancing kids first.

I am the mother of three kids under the age of ten. As most of you know, this is where a large majority of time is spent. I want to say out loud and proudly, it’s not easy.  Being a parent is not easy. There I said it, the cat is out of the bag. It’s okay to admit that, you have my permission, without fear of persecution from others. Some days just surviving is a a miraculous milestone.

Balancing being a mother is the number one priority for me. It is also where I struggle the most. I struggle because things don’t always go the way I think. I give so much to my kids (which they deserve) but I am sometimes left just feeling defeated. On days like that, I frequently have nothing more to give to my husband.  There, I let another cat out of the bag. I neglect my commitment to my partner because the kids take just about everything.

Even on the perfect days, where everything looks like a magazine ad, the struggles still exist. I struggle because some days, what I did yesterday with a smile, could bring me to tears the next day.  Sounds silly really. You know the whole “mom” routine. It goes something like this. Cleaning the house for the twelfth time, seeing the sink fill up again, picking up the toys for the hundredth time, wiping the pee off the toilet seat, even though lift up the toilet seat request, was never asked in French. It still seems to still be ignored. We haven’t even touched the surface of it all yet.

The point is, it all adds up. There are certainly times when I fold the seventh basket of laundry and I just want to cry. That’s right , I want to cry. I want to break down right there and sob into the dish towel but I don’t. I don’t because let’s just be real, it’s just one more thing to wash. I suck it all up and I continue on because I am lucky. I am blessed. Repeat as needed. Repeat until you believe it again.

Yet, like anyone else, I still get stressed. Being a mother is not always easy. Being a mother is not always hard. Being a mother is ugly. Being a mother is beautiful. Being a mother is pain-free. Being a mother is painful. Being a mother is energizing. Being a mother is exhausting. Being a mother is the biggest Catch 22 in this world. Not one soul on Earth, will ever love you, despite being flawed, like your children do. Being a mother is true LOVE and that is what keeps the chaos, well-balanced.

Beautifully, Unbalanced 

Part II

I know there are so many people who say “put your husband first and kids second, if you want a happy marriage.”

I can’t help but think that’s not how my life is configured currently. Am I fucked up, or are they fucked up? My husband does not come before my kids.  This makes me feel strange to admit because it is like putting a place value on people. I am not comfortable playing who is number one.

The truth is sometimes, I just suck as a wife. (Waaa….Waaa….no you don’t.) Hear me out.  I have had many screw ups, many times where I know things should be different but yet I am just too consumed with everything else going on in my life. This sounds crazy to say out loud but it’s true. I have ignored my committment as a wife, to pay attention to other commitments and that isn’t always fair.

I snap. I get short. I get bitchy. I have high expectations. I don’t want help. I need help. I want to talk. I don’t want to talk. I want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to snuggle. I want to snuggle. I want to be treated like a queen. No, I don’t want to be treated like a queen. I can do it by myself.  I can’t do it by myself. I don’t want to have sex, I want to have sex. Sound familiar? I am like the flu. Hot and cold, mixed with a little bit of dizziness and nausea.

Honestly, at times, I am about as hard to figure out,  as a Rubix Cube. I have no qualms about admitting my idiosyncracies.

Luckily, we get to go out on dates every so often, which revives us. As time passes, I believe more and more the whole, “put your husband first” bit. I just have not accepted that yet. I am not sure I ever will. I will continue to wait for my 360. Until then, I really just savor the precious time that we do get to spend together. One on one. Balancing each other out.

Sometimes, I post pictures of the two of us on social media. A bunch of people say things like you guys are “so cute” “so happy” “relationship goals.”

NO! NO! NO!

I mean that picture, it’s not a lie but it’s not the truth either. I would feel like a sham if I didn’t mention it’s not always roses and butterflies. We aren’t always cute. We aren’t always on Cloud 9. We aren’t always relationship goals.

In between that captured moment of happiness, there are some that I would be embarrassed to show. It’s the moments when I bitch about the socks left on the floor, the pants left inside out at the foot of the washer, not helping out enough, the kids needing help, the laundry multiplying like rabbits.

You know, those embarrassing moments that I get sucked up in because I just can’t balance it all. I won’t admit that to my husband of course (stubborn, hard head alert.) So the frustration from another source seeps out like icky-bitch-itis. Those are the pictures, I wouldn’t post. Those are the moments y’all don’t see. Those are the moments you need to know about, which fall in between our “glamour shots.”

The best marriage advice, which is realistic AF and doesn’t paint a Bob Ross masterpiece, goes something like this.

Damn, I look cute in that one piece! 

 

  “Marriage is like the ocean. Sometimes the tides are high and sometimes the tides are  low. Don’t pick and choose the waves. Ride all the waves. It’s part of life. Get knocked down. Get back up again.”

I imperfectly balance my marriage, by riding all the waves that come in with the tides. Sometimes, I catch them. Sometimes, I almost drown when I fall. Yet, I always find myself emerging from being tossed around. There’s a good chance that you might catch me picking the sand out, from the net in my bathing suit though. It’s not always cute.”

Beautifully, Unbalanced 

Part III

Next up, is work/running my business. So many people in my life think I have it all in this avenue. I am here to break it to you and say, all that glitters isn’t gold. I will preface it by saying, I am so grateful and appreciative but it isn’t always easy.

I am up super late. I am tired. Cranky. Bitchy. Ready for a twelve day nap. Zapped when I get home from teaching and I truly hate complaining but going to work and then working, when you get home isn’t always glamorous. I mean no one said it would be.

The thing is I am all in, so it’s not hard work when it is something you want.  I am willing not forced to work exceptionally, irrationally and psychically hard to achieve the dreams and goals that I have set for myself and family. Yet, working incessantly makes balancing the rest of life almost impossible.

Finding a balance with the whole work thing, is not pretty. I don’t want you to believe it is. The “behind the scenes”  is pretty telling. The whole “blood, sweat, tears, ya that’s pretty accurate. I have cried, I have wanted to quit, I have wanted to just sell my business, I have wanted to fall asleep in my office the list goes on and on. The fact is that someone is always willing to work, when you want to quit. I believe that. So, I don’t quit until I am done. Talk about the opposite of creating a balanced life.

The most difficult aspect of balancing work ironically involves my kids. They don’t want me to leave. They don’t want to give me up, for even more time but sometimes I have no choice. This is the part that rips me up. When my son says over and over again, “Styles for Miles again? Why can’t we just stay home?” This is the part that never gets easier, this is where balance takes a shit and is thrown out the window. I know in my future this will probably be the reason I sell my business. Sacrificing my children, to balance my work, is something I can’t do.

Beautifully, Unbalanced 

Part IV

So there you have it. I do not believe in “balancing” all aspects of my life at once.  For the people who have wanted to know “how I balance it all.” I don’t. I don’t pretend to. I don’t want to pretend to. I am beautifully, unbalanced. I live everyday just looking to accomplish the tasks for that day only. I find peace in the fact, that I can’t control what life hands us. I accept the fact, that my life is a beautiful mess. I acknowledge the fact that finding a balance, will always keep me searching. I am cool with no longer searching.

Continue “Doing Life” your way, not theirs. 

Follow me! I’m so social!

Facebook @ Doing Life

Instagram @doing_life_17

Shame is Lame.

I just recently read an article in TIME magazine called “The Goddess Myth.” I have to tell you that I was quite intrigued for several reasons. One of the reasons, was because the survey they conducted asked simple questions about being a mom. RELATABLE! I like it already.

What they found out did not necessarily surprise me  though. If anything, it made me realize how tremendous of a problem “mom shaming” really is. I mean the more I read, the more I thought,

Shamin’ sisters, y’all need to cool your jets. Apparently, you all have lost your damn minds, pretending you’re some Supreme Court Justice.

 

According to TIME Magazine, “913 mothers completed a survey  conducted by Survey Monkey, which found that half of all mothers had experienced regret, shame, guilt or anger mostly due to complications and lack of support”

SAY WHAT! Lack of support?

According to TIME Magazine, “More than 70% felt pressured to do things a certain way. Most mothers say that “society is general” is the source of the pressures paired with doctors and other mothers.”

SAY WHAT! Other mothers and doctors? Ahh, yes the perfect ones. Makes sense.

20171224_1312071266376326.png

I mean you know the type of woman who is the classic “shamer.” The one who looks at you all judgey and shit when your child is having a tantrum equivalent to Chernobyl. As your little gal/guy flails around like a hooked fish, she coyly smiles as her child is restrained, perfectly coiffed and knows probably eight languages already. That is your girl. The Stepford Mother.

I mean the funny thing about mom shaming is, that the dirty looks just fuel the embarrassment and shame as you try to calm the explosion.  I mean we are enduring enough, without us pretending to be perfect. I always find it mind-blowing too, because naturally, I always just want to help someone, when they are in that moment of chaos.

You know do something, anything, distract the kid, make small talk or give the mom your spare shooter of vodka. It’s important to try and alleviate any extra stress, that the mom may be facing. I do not think anyone, even if you are perfect, should add to it.

News flash, you know that staring at the other person, like they have a dick on their head, won’t actually make a dick appear. Sorry to let you down.  However, we all know these “shamers” rubbernecking and throwing stones, so that is the unfortunate realization.

I remember a few years back, when I was in Disney with my family. It is probably enough said with just uttering the word Disney. The land of tantrums, child insanity and beautiful families walking around enjoying Mickey and Minnie’s world of torture, I meant Disney World. At the time I only had my two sons and they were three and one.  My three-year old was throwing the tantrum of all tantrums, after a long day and no nap.

The tantrum was ignited by the inferno, called the Lego store. You might have thought World War III was going down, it was that crazy. So what are you supposed to do, as a good book reading parent? Well, leave of course.

So my husband and I trekked back to the car on the million mile pilgrimage, outside in the sweltering heat. It felt like we were fighting for hours, reeling in a flailing fluke. However, it was just a toddler under our arms, kicking and screaming in his lateral position. The most prominent part of the journey through that rat mecca, was the number of people staring like we were stabbing the kid.

 

“Nothing to see here people. Continue on with your lives. We are not that interesting. I swear on Mickey’s life.”

Holy shit. Breaking news. Mickey Mouse is dead………Just kidding.

::::Insert middle finger:::::

Keep pounding the pavement.

I remember vividly, feeling more agitated with the number of people staring at us, with that half twisted smirk, judgey eyes and probably thinking, thank God our child is so perfect. The heat was blazing, small child was blazing, my temper was blazing and I had  enough of the world for that minute.

So we pulled some non DYFS – 911 phone call warranted, John Cena moves as we got him into his car seat, seriously wondering if we should do an exorcism as that child needed to let the devil out.

We called the exorcism off though, at the last second you’ll be thrilled to know. In the 10.10 seconds of driving and the car moving towards alcohol, I meant home,  our child released the evil, as he fell fast asleep. ::: small cheers::: He was tired, another :::small cheer::: He “should’nt be a future serial killer. I think.

Anyway, you catch my drift. We have all been in a position where we are/were struggling with our child. Whether it is behavior, food choices, clothing, academics, etc. it is not always easy. I mean being a parent is the hardest job around honestly. I know, I know, some shamers would say “well don’t have kids.” GOTCHA…..but I can’t stuff them back in and I kind of love them. So next solution. Please.

So here is what “Mother Shaming” looks like. 

Q -Oh, you don’t have him signed up for preschool yet?

A- Uhh, he’s still in utero, I hadn’t really thought about it.

Q- Oh, wow so you give her red dye #40?

A- Uhh, yup she really loves the color of blood.

Q- You don’t make your own baby food?

A- Uhh, nope I make it to the store and buy it.

Q- Wow, okay so you don’t use organic, non-GMO, vegan, pesticide free, BPA free, $85 nail clippers on your child?

A- Uhh, nope I use my husband’s chainsaw. We only had one slip up.

Q-   You don’t breastfeed? I guess you don’t care about higher IQ’s.

A- Uhh, you’re supposed to feed the baby?

Q- Do you use the Ferber Method?

A- Uhh, ya FUR for when she’s BURR.

Q- What percentile is your baby?

A- Uhh, 100% doesn’t let me shake and stir my gin and tonic without crying.

I could go on and on. Really. The experiences that moms in particular have are typically ones that involve other moms, throwing their two cents in the mix. I mean I can’t fully be mad at that, until it involves being a know-it-all. That is when mom shaming occurs. When the know-it-all gets time on their mom shaming soap box. Kick that bitch off, I need that box to hold my wine glass and unpasteurized cheese board.

Basically, it is unsolicited advice or hurtful comments, stares, glares, mumbles that make another mother feel as if the job, they are doing with their own children, isn’t good enough. Clearly, from the survey TIME conducted this is a serious problem. I mean without the survey I know in my eight years of being a mother this is a problem too.

So how do we make it stop? That is the real question that the survey garners for me.

Pushing all the shaming issues to the side,  I wonder what other moms gain personally, when they make other moms feel crappy? Do they need the self-served accolades to make themselves feel better? Perhaps, they just feel like they are not good enough and therefore, it leads to spewing their own insecurities out like non-gmo, vegan, non-BPA criticism cookies. So the big question is, where is the milk to dunk those Pinterest cookies? They sound delightful.

If there is one thing I have learned about allowing mom shaming to affect me, it is that I could give a shit less what other people think in regards to my parenting decisions. How I choose to parent is my business y’all.  At the end of the day, I know I do “okay” because they always say “I love you” and give me a kiss. Ironic, really, because you would think that they would be so weak and evil eating processed foods, watching TV, not wearing organic cotton and all that other bullshit, that apparently matters.

Continue “Doing Life” your way, not theirs.

 

 

It’s Time to Pull Off that Band-Aid…..

Ouch! That is the sound typically associated with pulling a band-aid off of our skin. I mean no one loves to rip a tethered piece of adhesive off their delicate wounds, yet we know we can’t avoid it. As we are in the process of healing, we utilize the band-aid to protect our injuries. We have a natural ability which is engrained in our brains, to want to protect ourselves, so we can survive. Our real world band-aid. 

We want to protect ourselves, our feelings, our hearts and our mental health. Even when we know the “Band -Aid” needs to go, we avoid pulling it off so we can protect our wellbeing. It is human nature to want to look out for ourselves and remain safe. I get it. No one wants to rip that band-aid off, even when we know we should.

What I don’t always comprehend, is why people can’t walk away when they should? Myself included. We know that people have certain things, hold ups and connections to people in life which are not always easy to move on from. Even though we know we need to, we just don’t.

We shell out excuse after excuse about why we have not moved forward. None of them sound plausible. When we get to that point of doubt, it is a strong indicator that we need to pull the proverbial “band-aid” off. 

There is probably nothing worse in our lives, than holding onto pain. Especially because we know how bad it is for our souls and general wellbeing. We need to reignite our fire and steal our balls back, life is just too short, to suffer.

The pain and fear associated with moving on paralyzes most individuals, as we look our lives straight in the eye. It is the difficult and dreaded part of our life, having to acknowledge what causes us pain.

Here is an opportunity for you to be vulnerable. Ready for it?

What is something that you know you have needed to pull the “band- aid” off of in your personal life and move on from, like yesterday? Why aren’t you moving on? Say it out loud or say it in your head. Make sure you acknowledge it. Facing our pain is how we eventually break through it. Make a vow to yourself to initiate a breakthrough, when you know you are strong enough to actually follow through.

I know there have been many things in my own past, which I knew I needed to move on from. I am certainly speaking from experience and also out of concern for you.

One of the most painful things I have ever dealt with, was an ailing relationship with a father figure in my life. The relationship was always so positive and meaningful at a crucial point in my adolescent life, I felt a great deal of gratitude because of that. 

 However, the last few years of the relationship just brought sadness, dread and a lot of pain. I knew those emotions, I was feeling at the time, were huge signals that the relationship was not healthy anymore.

Yet, I ignored myself, as many of us do. I continued to talk myself into believing it would improve “if this happened” or “that happened.” Sound familiar? If it does, I am sorry to break it to you but it will never get better. In fact it only gets worse as you hold onto the falsities which are littered in that particular relationship.

The fact of the matter is, that you have convinced yourself of false truths in your own reality just to avoid any potential pain.  The longer we hold onto our false truths, the more harm we cause our own psyche. This is where the emotions run wild and the heart seems to miss the messages sent from everywhere else.

I mean I am just like everyone else though. I was scared to let go. I was scared to sever what was “left” or correction, I should say grasping at what I thought was remaining. The truth was, there was nothing remaining. 

I was just sad to lose this person that meant so much to me in the PAST, even though the person who was in the present no longer remained. It literally was a hurricane of emotions. Flooding my heart with immense pain and sadness way too frequently.

I found myself becoming despondent, moody and dreading impending visits or time spent with this person. I had lost hope in holding on to the present, just to preserve the past. Does any of this sound familiar? I just had to start ripping the band-aid off.

 Sadly, it took way too long to accept that this needed to be done. The pain was even harder to face because I kept ignoring it. 

When the day came that I finally accepted the closed chapter, I felt this strange sense of relief. It was like I had literally lifted a thousand pounds off of my heart. I felt this freedom from the immense sorrow that I had been feeling, for way too long. 

Although, I did mourn the official loss of this relationship for months, actually close to a year, it did get easier. As I hit the five-year anniversary of moving on, I can’t help but look back and reflect on all of it. Good and bad.

I can wholeheartedly, say that I do still miss this relationship, but I miss the relationship from the past. So now, at this point I choose to just cherish the positive memories associated with what once was. I do not regret ripping the band-aid off, what I do regret is not doing it sooner. I spent way too much time feeling sorrowful. It was unfair of me to be consumed by sadness, when I had so much happiness elsewhere.

The fact of the matter is that when we hold onto something for too long, we do lose a piece of ourselves. It does not matter what your situation is. If someone causes you mental, physical, emotional pain, you have to do what it takes to move forward.

 No one deserves to endure the constant pain caused by another person. If someone in your life is associated with all negative feelings, I beg you, for your own mental health to acknowledge that as a sign, that it is time to move forward.

It’s time to move forward because we lose our ability to take care of ourselves. We become so consumed with sadness and fear, that it is hard to see clearly. Whatever/whoever that something/someone is, causing you pain, rest assured that moving on will only cause temporary pain. Just like pulling off the band-aid.
The bad news is, that when you stay and accept the pain, which is caused by your situation, you compromise a piece of yourself. You will continue to allow a piece of you to be devoured, by accepting the circumstances. 

It’s time to heal. Are you ready to take a deep breath and pull that band-aid off? If you have read this far, I know you are ready. Have faith in your strength and do not lose hope. Life should not cause you permanent pain and if it does be brave enough to accept, that you deserve more.

Continue “Doing Life” your way, not theirs. 

Seeking Permission. The Key to Failure.

Humans are complex creatures. We all have different internal makeup and that is what sets us apart from others. Hallelujah! Amen! Praise the Lord for that!

There seems to only be two types of people on this planet though. The ones who truly do not give a fuck about other’s opinions and well you guessed it, the ones who do. It is either one or the other. There is no in between on this topic.

If there is an in between, it is because people pretend to not give a fuck. Which seems easy to do. However, when push comes to shove, the person unveils the real truth, that they do need constant validation. Seeking permission from others, is the guaranteed key to failure. Don’t believe that? Well, what were some things that you’ve asked or shared with others that you never achieved?

The key to failure, is seeking permission. 

 

There is certainly a reason why the quote “don’t tell people your dreams, show them” is very relevant and truth filled. I mean what is it about humans, that makes seeking other people’s validation so important? The only thing in this life I need validating me, is that parking lot at the Starbucks. For real……For real….

So after some time dissecting theories on why we do this to ourselves, it actually wound up being clear as day.

Drum roll…..

We seek permission because…….

  • We are looking for validation.
  • We are looking for a reason/excuse not to.
  • We are looking for someone to motivate us (never a good idea.) Keep waiting.
  • We are looking for someone/something to blame when we do not follow through.

The ironic part about seeking permission is that it actually scorches our motivation more often than not. I will break it down, into one tiny explanation. Whether we are hearing positive or negative responses, humans are certainly afraid of failure and rejection, which in turn causes us to feel fearful. We are scared of potential failure before we even start. That sounds a little backwards, don’t you think?

The fear that humans face, triggers a response naturally in our bodies (three cheers for our Amygdala.) I mean we all know how the body reacts when we face something scary, the body is smart enough to want to avoid these feelings which is both a positive and negative.

Pro: We stay safe.

Con: We stay safe. 

I mean think about a time when you were truly scared or frightened, it could be about anything. How often do you actually want to feel that way? I know for me personally, I do not want to intentionally make myself feel fearful/unsafe. I mean who would? It is safe, to stay safe. I get that.

However, that is the only reason we seek permission from others, we want to play it safe. We want to avoid the fear involved with having to follow through. You know exactly what I am talking about. The type of fear that makes us feel so uncomfortable, that you might puke or shit yourself at any moment. I mean no one looks cute when they puke or shit themselves, so I totally get it.

 

 

You literally have to walk the walk and not just talk the talk, like so many of us do. This conjures up fear in so many individuals that I meet. The amount of ideas my crazy mind generates would leave people exhausted, if I chose to tell them. I keep all things to myself until execution time. I have learned and now I know that seeking outside permission will get me nowhere, fast. Validation from others is not welcome or needed in my life.

The point is anyone can say they want to do something. I mean I would love to be a millionaire goddess, who is a  permanent fixture at a Hawaiian resort but if I say that is my goal, people are going to be waiting.

Crystle said that she’s going to be a Hawaiian goddess at some resort.

They are going to be waiting for me to get there or they are going to be waiting for me to fail. It truly depends on your audience.

“That’s just crazy.”

“I knew she wouldn’t”

“Oh my God, she is a Hawaiian goddess.”

“I knew she would.”

I mean you already know who your audience is. If you are still stuck, I would bet money that it’s because you keep asking the wrong person for permission. There is only one person you need to be asking permission from. Yourself.

 

 

Continue “Doing Life” your way, not theirs.