Life Happens

Do you ever feel like you are not at a point in your life,that you thought you would be at? I can not be the only person who has felt like this at some point or another, right?

Maybe, you know exactly what I am talking about, it might go something like this…..

  • I thought I would be independently wealthy by thirty-five
  • I thought I would have three kids by thirty-two
  • I thought I would be married by twenty-five
  • I thought I would be a homeowner by twenty-seven
  • I thought I would be the CEO at work by thirty-nine
  • I thought I would have way more flexibility with my life by now
  • I thought I would have life figured out

Sound familiar? Good, I am glad, I am not alone on this one. We have all of these grandiose plans for ourselves and the way our life “should” look and I truly applaud that! I mean, what is a goal, without a plan? Well, they say it’s just a wish. I don’t know about you but I do not always want to be wishing. Wishing, that something in my life was different than it actually was. So I set goals, realistic and attainable goals. Some of these goals may materialize faster than others but the sad truth is, some do not conform to the timeline, I want, which is okay.

The question though, is why do we torture ourselves setting timelines based loosely on social norms? Especially, when our current reality does not make these goals attainable at that particular time.

  • Be married by twenty-five
  • Have three kids by thirty
  • Have a career by twenty-three
  • Purchase a home by twenty-four

I mean, I would be concerned if you did not have some sort of idea of where you wanted to be and when but it does not have to be written in stone and can be ever-changing if you choose.

So what if you do not know where you want to work, who you are going to marry, when you are going to have kids. Accomplishing these things does not make you more righteous, happier or more successful. There, I let the cat out of the bag.

The problem is that when we are painting our future portraits out, of what our life “should” look like it occasionally gets paint splattered on it, “messing” up what we are trying to create. When this happens to us and I know it must have happened at least one time, self loathing becomes a bitter reality but the real question is why?

As John Lennon sings in his song “Beautiful Boy”,

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

Read that one more time.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

  • I am not independently wealthy and I am over thirty-five
  • I do not have three kids and I am over thirty-two
  • I don’t even have a boyfriend so I am certainly not married by twenty-five
  • I am not a homeowner by twenty-seven
  • I am not satisfied with my career by now
  • I am not at my goal weight
  • I have very limited flexibility with my life right now

We destroy ourselves internally because we associate missing our personal timelines as a personal failure. What is it about missing our goals that creates this disappointment that literally drives us mad? Who gave us these ideas that we had to be married, have kids, have a house do this or do that by a certain age? When people do not make their visions of their life a reality they go down some really dark and ugly paths. All because of a missed date. We participate in paralyzing, damaging and very negative self talk. Our own worst enemy should never be ourself.

Who is responsible for making us believe that these things have to be achieved by a certain time or we are failures? I mean that seems to be the biggest problem with not meeting our goals, that we are considered a failure because of the norms set by our society.

I have learned that by not setting unrealistic “realistic” expectations for ourselves is the best way to avoid feeling disappointed because we are not where we are on “society’s” timeline.

Listen, no one likes to feel as if they are stuck or have failed in any piece of their life but if you are feeling this way take some time and really dive into why you might be disappointed or let down by where your life is, at the moment.

Imagine, what could be avoided, if we just stopped putting age restrictions on when we attain certain things in our lives. When we become a wife, mother, homeowner or anything else for that matter does not have to be by a certain age. It just needs to be whenever we are ready and truly happy.

Again, as John Lennon sings in his song “Beautiful Boy”, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” so make a promise to yourself to just enjoy where you are at, right now, regardless of where you want to be.

Never lose sight of the fact that each stepping stone has a purpose and if we do not appreciate the journey, will we ever actually “make it” to where we are intended to go?

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