Life Happens

Do you ever feel like you are not at a point in your life,that you thought you would be at? I can not be the only person who has felt like this at some point or another, right?

Maybe, you know exactly what I am talking about, it might go something like this…..

I thought I would be independently wealthy by thirty-five
I thought I would have three kids by thirty-two
I thought I would be married by twenty-five
I thought I would be a homeowner by twenty-seven
I thought I would be the CEO at work by thirty-nine
I thought I would have way more flexibility with my life by now
I thought I would have life figured out

Sound familiar? Good, I am glad, I am not alone on this one. We have all of these grandiose plans for ourselves and the way our life “should” look and I truly applaud that! I mean, what is a goal, without a plan? Well, they say it’s just a wish. I don’t know about you but I do not always want to be wishing. Wishing, that something in my life was different than it actually was. So I set goals, realistic and attainable goals. Some of these goals may materialize faster than others but the sad truth is, some do not conform to the timeline, I want, which is okay.

The question though, is why do we torture ourselves setting timelines based loosely on social norms? Especially, when our current reality does not make these goals attainable at that particular time.

Be married by twenty-five
Have three kids by thirty
Have a career by twenty-three
Purchase a home by twenty-four

I mean, I would be concerned if you did not have some sort of idea of where you wanted to be and when but it does not have to be written in stone and can be ever-changing if you choose.

So what if you do not know where you want to work, who you are going to marry, when you are going to have kids. Accomplishing these things does not make you more righteous, happier or more successful. There, I let the cat out of the bag.

The problem is that when we are painting our future portraits out, of what our life “should” look like it occasionally gets paint splattered on it, “messing” up what we are trying to create. When this happens to us and I know it must have happened at least one time, self loathing becomes a bitter reality but the real question is why?

As John Lennon sings in his song “Beautiful Boy”,

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

Read that one more time.

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”

I am not independently wealthy and I am over thirty-five
I do not have three kids and I am over thirty-two
I don’t even have a boyfriend so I am certainly not married by twenty-five
I am not a homeowner by twenty-seven
I am not satisfied with my career by now
I am not at my goal weight
I have very limited flexibility with my life right now

We destroy ourselves internally because we associate missing our personal timelines as a personal failure. What is it about missing our goals that creates this disappointment that literally drives us mad? Who gave us these ideas that we had to be married, have kids, have a house do this or do that by a certain age? When people do not make their visions of their life a reality they go down some really dark and ugly paths. All because of a missed date. We participate in paralyzing, damaging and very negative self talk. Our own worst enemy should never be ourself.

Who is responsible for making us believe that these things have to be achieved by a certain time or we are failures? I mean that seems to be the biggest problem with not meeting our goals, that we are considered a failure because of the norms set by our society.

I have learned that by not setting unrealistic “realistic” expectations for ourselves is the best way to avoid feeling disappointed because we are not where we are on “society’s” timeline.

Listen, no one likes to feel as if they are stuck or have failed in any piece of their life but if you are feeling this way take some time and really dive into why you might be disappointed or let down by where your life is, at the moment.

Imagine, what could be avoided, if we just stopped putting age restrictions on when we attain certain things in our lives. When we become a wife, mother, homeowner or anything else for that matter does not have to be by a certain age. It just needs to be whenever we are ready and truly happy.

Again, as John Lennon sings in his song “Beautiful Boy”, “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” so make a promise to yourself to just enjoy where you are at, right now, regardless of where you want to be.

Never lose sight of the fact that each stepping stone has a purpose and if we do not appreciate the journey, will we ever actually “make it” to where we are intended to go?

Held Up…5 Ways to Let Go

What are you held up on?

If you are like most people, you probably have something that holds you back. It could be anything really. Most of the time we are self-aware and know what it is but sometimes we are just stuck and have no idea why.

Take a minute to identify your hold up…….Don’t have one? Stop lying, we all do and I still love ya!

These hold ups can be literally ANYTHING! Something from childhood, our teen years or even our adult life which shapes and defines who we are/become. Sometimes it can be a positive and well sometimes it can be a negative. It is the negative side of being held up that is detrimental to our psyche. The negatives are what need to be released ASAP, if you want to live your best life.

For a large majority of my twenties I was held up on what other people thought. Big mistake. I realize this is too common, as I speak with other women and they utter the exact same thing. Looking back, as I get closer to my thirty-fifth year, I wonder why I spent so long caring what other people thought about my life’s decisions. Key word MY. I mean I have always had this certainty about myself, yet for some reason this was a factor in my life, which made me feel insecure. What if this person says this, or that person says that….It did not matter what it was in regards to, I cared and I don’t know why.

It might have been about my college path, career choice, take this job or that one, buy this big item or don’t. I always felt like it mattered what others thought. What was my problem and why couldn’t I manage to just stick with what I wanted in my heart? What kept me so held up on caring about the opinions of others? To this day, I still have no legit answer for that.

When I finally got to that point where I just didn’t give a fuck anymore , about other people’s thoughts, in regards to my life’s decisions, I finally reclaimed ownership of my life. What a feeling of freedom. I will never turn back to that point of needing other’s approval. Never.

Crystle, you have another car? Crystle, you should really do this, Crystle, you should really have your children here or there, Crystle, why are you bottle feeding? Crystle, this and Crystle that the list goes on and on. In the grand scheme of things, it was dumb shit but I would second guess my own decisions and that is where the hold up, held on.

It was overwhelming, depressing even, just waiting for the avalanche of unwelcome opinions. All because I was investing time in caring, about whether others disapproved or not.

So, the question is this. Do you find yourself ruminating over things, it can literally be anything? If so, here are five ways to easily help yourself, as you work towards reclaiming your life and feeling confident enough to finally break up with your hold ups.

Don’t accept your situation if you are unhappy.

Fuck, if you are unhappy and can acknowledge that, you are already ahead of the game, so congrats! Time to put your big girl/boy pants on and keep moving forward.

2. Take control of your OWN happiness

STOP! Repeat after me, STOP blaming other people for the way your life currently is. You are the one who is in control, no one else. You are not unhappy because your boss sucks. You are unhappy because you know you should move on but can’t/won’t. It’s time to own our happiness.

3. Don’t be afraid to fail

For real, Nike was on to something. Just Do It. Failure, who cares? You will have no regrets later. I opened a mobile clothing boutique (Styles for Miles) because I had a dream, a literal dream. I know this is played out but YOLO (you only live once) so like Nike says, Just Do It! Work hard, be passionate and work harder (insert tears, panic, blood and a lot of other shit in between.) There will be success, no doubt. Keep working.

4. Avoid comparing yourself with other people

Honestly, who gives a shit about your neighbor “insert name here” who is perfect and has it all. Most likely, she’s held up on the fact that she’s not you (no lie, ask her when you’re all drunk on that Rose.) I bet she’ll say she admires YOUR life….Weird shit, right? The kiss of death lies with the fact, that we aren’t cool with who we are. Be cool, own your shit. I am seriously an open book, filled with crazy but I don’t care what other people do, have, said or whatever else gets us all bothered. Fuck em’ as I say often, I would be friends with me (hahahaha.)

5. Find your own definition of success, not what society says

I could spend all day on this. Who gives a shit if Aunt Ethel thinks you should be a housewife, if you want to be a professional mermaid, chef, world traveler, whatever it is, go for it. There is NOTHING to lose, you only gain regret and that SUCKS. That business that sounds so crazy to Uncle Stew, tell him to suck it. Well maybe not, but you can always apologize later, so go for it if you are feeling extra bold. I’m like 18% kidding about disrespecting relatives but the point is, just do what YOU need to do, to feel like you’ve made it. That definition is subjective. BE SUBJECTIVE.

The longer we are held up, the more time we are not living our best life. Remember time is not guaranteed. Let shit go, do what you want to do and just be a good human.

Moms don’t Punch Out

Welch’s juice company, just released their findings, to a new study and I have to admit, I am not surprised. I was however elated to see that others are in agreeance, when it comes to how many hours a mom is truly working (quiet cheers.)

I always realized from a young age that mothers (and dads too) work really hard (even an observant child can see that.) I actually remember pre (my own) kids taking care of my three cousins for a few days and thinking, OMG I need a frigging dozen naps! Everything, that I did over those few days, made me realize that every mother is pretty much a Patron Saint. It was literally exhausting and they were good kids!

Women around the world have been taking care of their kids, cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring kids, working their “actual job” and the list goes on and on for centuries now. Since becoming a mom myself almost nine years ago, I have one observation. Most days it is a miracle if my eyes are still open after nine. That time of night has slowly decreased, as I have produced more tiny humans hahaha. It is now like 7:45 pm.

According to the survey findings, Welchs Juice Company discovered, ( I don’t think this was a secret) that most moms begin their day at around 6:30am and continue “working” until around 8:30 pm. Obviously this is seven days a week, which is equivalent to working about two and a half FULL TIME jobs. I haven’t received my retro check in years, WTF! Cha-Ching! I bet I’m a millionaire when I finally get that check!

Even on my most stressful days, I would not change any of that for the world. Seriously, the pile(s) of laundry, overflowing sink, endless to-do list(s) are all part of the most incredible job in the world. Being a mom just can’t be compared to anything on Earth really. Maybe something but we won’t get into that haha.

Okay, okay, Crystle stop lying.

I’m not a fulltime Pinterest mom, I admit it. However, I am not trying to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes either. This so-called “job” aka being a mom is the most incredible thing I have ever done.

It is also the hardest thing I have ever done. No complaints, because at the end of the day it is a true blessing. Most days are a challenge and there is pretty much nothing glamorous about exploding diapers, sickness or having bags under your eyes. Yet, every single day for me, is another day of working towards being a good mom, wife, employee, business owner and other things. Despite the constant challenges I get the entire picture, so here it is

*Disclaimer- haters back off, we already know, we choose to have kids, so I said it for you. Carry on, Keyboard Warrior.

The God’s honest truth is, I didn’t feel like my life had much value or purpose for a very long time, until I had my kids. It was like self discovery and a really quick reality check on steroids.

Like hey! Get your shit together, no time for bullshit and just take care of your kids. They are the only thing that matters. They are going to love you when you are at your best and Lord knows, they are going to love you at your worst. No one else is going to do that. I thank God for that everyday.

My kids are the only people right now on this planet who genuinely don’t care about my failures, my inability to have everything done daily, staying up to date with laundry, cleaning the house, cooking a gourmet meal or really any of that stuff that we become fixated with. Like most kids they only care about YOU, no judgements or stipulations attached to that either. There is non of the nonsense that we become consumed with accompanying our kids love. I mean what other boss at a fulltime job actually cares about and loves you, like your kids do? Cricketts.

So when it comes to working 2.5 full time jobs, I’ll work forever. I don’t care. I don’t care that I am tired, I have coffee. I don’t care that I am not accomplishing most things, there is always tomorrow. I don’t care that I am not making gourmet meals, there is always delivery. I don’t care about mopping my floors right this minute, there is always later.

I want to do the best I can at this job, even on the days when I want to call out or quit, I still find a way to make it all work. It is miraculous that my tiny bosses know when I need them the most. Delivering my paycheck in the kid version of Bitcoin aka hugs and kisses and saying I love you without reservation. That makes it all worth it.

So mamas out there. Don’t be consumed with the research, even if we finally have a pat on the back that we deserve. Be consumed with the fact that we have the most important job in the world. Our job is priceless and even on the worst days, we should feel grateful to be employed, by the best bosses out there. Our little babies only need dedicated employees.

Continue “Doing Life” your way, not theirs.

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Facebook – @mamadoinglife

https://nypost.com/2018/03/17/being-a-mom-is-the-equivalent-of-2-5-full-time-jobs/

You’re Never too Old to Live.

I am guilty of saying “I’m too old for that.” There I said it!

I know a lot of people are guilty of proclaiming the same. The question is why?

We have this conviction, that sidelines us too easily. It has to do with our age and we let it determine what we should and should not do way too often.

As I peeled back the layers to try to decide where I stood on this, I came to the conclusion that it is just an excuse.

Humans love excuses, they keep us safe and comfortable. Yay, for our brains working properly!

The question is, since when are people too old, to live? It doesn’t matter what it is in regards to, we have these limiting boundaries that we self create. We should live our best life, everyday regardless of a number.

If there is something that ignites your soul, why shouldn’t you just go for it? Since when does seizing opportunity, having fun, learning, participating in new experiences or anything for that matter have an age limit?

The fact of the matter, is it doesn’t. We need to step away from using this as an excuse because it’s getting old (get it, haha.) Being too old should never be an excuse, for not chasing after the things we want in our life.

Nola Ochs, a ninety-five year old woman, made the Guinness Book of World Records, for being the oldest woman to earn a college degree.

Can you still say, “I’m too old to go back to college?”

You can, but it’s just an excuse.

Bryson William Verdun Hayes, a one hundred and one year old man, holds the record for being the oldest skydiver.

Can you still say, “I’m too old for adventure?”

You can, but it’s just an excuse.

Loren Wade, a one hundred and two-year old man, still goes to work at Wal-Mart everyday.

Can you still say, “I’m too old to go to work?”

You can, but it’s just an excuse

(Honestly, that might not be the best example because I hope to be retired at that point, so I guess that’s my excuse about working past a certain age.)

Harriette Thompson, at ninety-two years old finished a full marathon in under eight hours.

Can you still say, “I’m too old to workout?”

You can, but it’s just an excuse.

A British couple was named the world’s oldest newlyweds, after they tied the knot at one hundred and three and ninety-one years old.

Can you still say, “I’m too old to find love?”

You can, but it’s just an excuse.

The point is, humans have this innate ability to want to keep themselves safe. I get it. We do this in a variety of ways every single day in order to keep “safe.” Safe in my opinion means we aren’t experiencing our life to the fullest if we are denying ourselves opportunity.

The sooner we break out of our comfort zones and stop making excuses for ourselves, the sooner we can live a fuller life. Go after the things you want in your life. It is important not to limit ourselves, because of our age. We are never too old to live. If we’re not living now, we’re never too old to start. Today is your day.

Continue “Doing Life, your way, not theirs.”

Quick Ten- Alyssa

Alyssa

Please provide us with some biographical information

Hey, everyone! My name is Alyssa and I am 25 years old. My family, boyfriend, and friends are the most important people in my life. I am the youngest sibling in my family (therefore I am the spoiled rotten one). I am a middle school teacher who teaches 8th graders (yes, I WANTED to teach middle school. . . Crazy, right?!). Fun facts: I have two fat cats (weighing close to 25 pounds each) and I LOVE sunflowers (I guess that one is not necessarily fun).

Are you doing what you truly want to do? Yes/No. Explain.

Yes, I am doing what I truly want to do. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher and do believe I was born to be one. I absolutely love working with youngins on a daily basis (hopefully it keeps me young for years to come — and I always enjoy going to work each day). I am also able to make and spend time with the most important people in my life. And, finally, the most important thing I do is take a vacation somewhere around the world every summer (it’s good for the soul, and it’s my treat to myself for working hard all year long).

How many promises have you made and how many have you fulfilled?

I do not make an excessive amount of promises because I only make promise when I am positive I will fulfill it.

Will you break the rules because of something/someone you care about?

Hm. Well, that really depends on what rule is being broken and what the situation is, but I will do just about anything for the people I care about in my life. If I am able to impact someone positively without hurting another person then absolutely, YES.

Is there anything you can’t let get of but you know that you should?

I believe that everyone has things they can’t, but should, let go of; whether small or large, so yes.

Do you remember anyone you strongly dislike/hated 10 years ago? Does it matter now?

Haha, yes, I do and it does not matter whatsoever because some people are meant to be in your life while others are not. Sometimes it just takes time and maturity to figure this one out. Someone you thought would forever be in your life might not always be; Although this could be devastating at first, time truly does heal everything (sometimes it takes massive amounts of time, but time nevertheless).

If you died today, would you have any regrets?

No, no regrets at all, just many unfulfilled hopes and dreams.

Are you afraid of making mistakes even though there is no punishment at all?

I would say no because I learn and improve myself from my mistakes.

What’s the difference between you and most of the other people out there?

I believe that each and every person is unique and has some purpose in this world, but this is a tough question to answer about myself. I’m really not sure.

If today was the end of the world, what would you do and why.

Spend it with those who are most important to me and just sit and talk about memories (maybe even watch a few home videos) because it’s the PEOPLE in my life who fill me with joy each and every day.

Live Your Best Life, Letting Go.

As I learn more and more about myself and my emotional intelligence, I have realized that one thing, had been holding my emotional growth hostage. I had this one thorn, unknowingly, paining me for way too long. It was time to pull the proverbial thorn out of my side and finally start healing. If I wanted to start living my best life, I had to let go.

I was ready to admit and face the fact that the absence of my dad had impacted several aspects of my life, without me even knowing. Staying strong and playing cool no longer served me, deep down I was in pain and hurting. AHHH….That feels nice to say.

I masked my hurt and pain because I had developed this very shitty system of coping. A system that “worked” for a while as I easily glided through the day-to-day. If anything/anyone tried to break my system, well good luck, wasn’t happening. The song Butterfly Kisses, by Bob Carlisle, well it was on my do not play list FOREVER! See, you can’t be hurt, if you don’t face any pain. Perfect plan. NOT. Smooth sailing doesn’t rock boats if ya catch my drift.

I was like Fort Knox. Such an ugly way to live honestly. I didn’t trust (new) people easily, accept (new) people until I felt comfortable, I had a hard time, expressing certain emotions and being vulnerable. I had been refusing, for all of those years, to acknowledge my loss, which caused me pain and hurt. Therefore, I stalled myself emotionally by ignoring what was truly going on. I was hurt. I realize now, how detrimental stuffing it down, had been in my life. There is no longer room for hurt in my life. I had to focus on my children and my husband and only share my happiness with them. The question at the time was how?

When I realigned the way I viewed my pain, and focused on growing from it, my life dramatically changed. My relationship with my kids grew stronger, more importantly my relationship with my husband improved too. Being that I was emotionally unavailable at times, there was a period of time where we suffered. We had a rocky period, which in turn caused a great deal of growth. I am so grateful that we experienced my awakening together. I needed to let go, of the true hold up, if I wanted to save and nurture our relationship. I made a vow to be more open and to release my shit. Free from the baggage that littered my heart at the time, we were able to forge our new path together.

Without that rocky time I would not have realized how badly I needed to change. I was “fine” with navigating my life the way I always had. The truth is I wasn’t fine. I was far from fine, I was just doing the best I could, with what I had and I was just barely surviving emotionally.

I am so grateful for that experience because I wouldn’t have become a better woman, wife or mother. I would have been a divorced, single mom if I didn’t open myself up. I knew I didn’t want that. I just had no idea what I was supposed to do, I just knew that I wouldn’t quit. That was enough motivation to dig deep and start dealing with shit. It was time to let go.

I mean I knew in my heart that I was the only one responsible for pushing through my own pain. I was the only one in charge of my life. Holding onto hurt and letting pain overrun me became a huge stonewall in my life.

We should not continue to let pain multiply. My pain would have been immense, if I chose not to learn and move forward from it. I knew the only direction I wanted to go in was forward. I had already lived way too many years holding onto something that I could not control. In fact it was controlling me.

Working on myself made it clear to see, the way my emotional absence, almost derailed my personal life and relationship. It all started with my natural guard always fighting to stay up, never-resting, especially with my husband. Do you know the type of exhaustion that creates? When you have your guard up 24/7, you are never vulnerable and you get worn down.

I had always joked in the past that I didn’t have feelings and for a long time, I kind of believed that. I was so conditioned to mask my feelings, that I kind of forgot to acknowledge my emotions, about really anything. I was dead inside. Ya, that WAS me.

I realized that my denial of certain events, certainly didn’t make it go away, regardless of how hard I tried. I was so quick to just forget the pain of all of that, that I never truly worked through it. I mean pain is a huge part of life. So it was a big mistake, stuffing it down and ignoring it, instead of tackling it head on.

My behavior became a coping mechanism so I didn’t have to feel or deal with any pain. Staying in my self-created bubble made me feel comfortable but it was definitely one of the most unhealthy things I could do to myself. I was ignoring my baggage to mask my own pain but that left me unable to cope and develop healthy relationships in life. It took me a long time to truly stomach that my “baggage” needed to be checked and left behind.

I had this deep desire to “fix” myself because I needed to finally be an emotionally available partner and parent to my children. I was unable to be a great partner for a very long time because I just kept stuffing everything inside. Eventually, I found myself self sabotaging myself because my feelings bled out and I just felt so frustrated. All of that was unnecessary and easy to avoid. If I could just become more self-aware, in regards to my emotions, things would and could improve.

I knew that I was withholding my emotions, refusing to be vulnerable with my husband, which eventually wore me down anyway. I had this misconception that being vulnerable meant you were weak but I found out slowly, it actually meant you were stronger. I made a commitment to myself, that I no longer wanted to be held emotionally hostage, I had lived like that long enough.

I mean let’s be real for a minute. Everyone deals with things from their childhood. Clearly, they have a hand in shaping our emotional state but that does not mean that we can’t change. It is just that most people don’t know how or don’t want to change. For a very long time, my problem was that I just didn’t know how. As I do more reading, listen to self-improvement podcasts, learn more about others, I am able to see just how important it was to figure out how to change and grow.

At the time, I wanted to change solely for myself which I know is the most important factor. I had this commitment throughout my life, which was my saving grace. I would never be held back by excuses or circumstances. I feel for the most part I have always prevailed in that area. Thank God.

You see I would say this is just the way that I am. Bla, bla, bla but it was all bullshit. I literally would freeze up and cringe if someone went to hug me. That is not a good sign, despite the fact that “it was just the way I was.” No. No. No. I knew I had to change. I knew I wanted to change but how could I do that? When I had lived over thirty years being emotionally unavailable?

So much so that most people would say their first impression of me is they were “intimidated.” Ugh, I’m not cool with that, at all. I want people to feel my true warmth, generosity and kindness that I had left hidden in me. I finally knew what the problem was. I just didn’t trust people. Until they proved themselves.

I did not want to go through life, particularly as a parent, shaping the minds of my three beautiful kids, to not trust easily because I didn’t. I knew what caused my emotional state, to protect itself. I knew I would not utilize that as an excuse. It has impacted my life so much so, that I knew I wanted and needed to change for them. As I peel back the layers though, I wanted to change for myself mostly because I was sick of living my life so closed off. I slowly got a taste of what it was like to feel vulnerable and I truly liked feeling more free with my emotions and feelings. It made me feel more alive.

About three years ago I committed to opening myself up more. I became more transparent with my thoughts and feelings because I wanted to be myself with no holdup. I would be lying if I told you this was an easy process, it hasn’t been (you know the whole can’t teach an old dog, new tricks has some truth to it.) Along the way I would regress depending on the situation. I had encountered many times where I would quickly retreat back to my old ways. When I endured something that caused pain or discomfort, it typically caused me to revert back into my turtle shell.

This journey of letting go of the negative emotions, relationships, and feelings that no longer serve me in my quest for peace has been an interesting one. I have found my quest for peace to be astonishing, painful and one of the most impactful events in my life. I have uncovered myself again. I have released negative feelings towards people, which I kept hidden. I acknowledged them, truly forgave, released and moved on. It is important to participate fully in your own life. I no longer wanted to be sidelined in my own game. I want to be the MVP.

Stop for just a minute.

Ask yourself this question.

Respond honestly.

Do you want to play or sit on the sidelines of your own life?

With your honest response, it is time to start developing a workable plan. You see as Tony Robbins says, “If you stop growing, you die.” I want to continuously make changes, improvements, adjustments, and release negativity. Clear head, clear heart and that is the only way I want to live my remaining years.

Keep in mind, Rome was not built-in a day, so be patient with yourself. Know and believe, that you can and will evolve. It is so worth investing time, into your own life. That looks different for each of us. Yet, it is the same. We all suffer. We all celebrate. Choose to celebrate. Invest in yourself, your happiness and freeing your emotions. Make changes, continue to grow and create the life you are meant to live. It is time to let go and start living your best life.

“Females don’t Fall”- Lauren

1. What is your full name:

Lauren Imbriaco

2. How old are you?

3. Give us a little biographical information about yourself

I come from a large family. I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers and absolutely love it. Growing up I was an athlete. I played soccer, basketball, ran track, softball, lacrosse, pretty much everything. I stuck to soccer and lacrosse throughout highschool and that is also when my love of weightlifting began.

After highschool I attended Ramapo College in NJ where I graduated with a business degree. After college I worked for a few years before getting married to my now husband of 7 years, Mike. Fast forward 3 more years and we had 2 beautiful children that are now 3 and 4. We also have another on the way 🙂

I am a fitness professional and competitor. I have always had a love of fitness and began teaching classes when I was in my early twenties. A few years later I got my personal trainers certificate and began taking on clients of my own. I still continue to do so and have also added competing in bodybuilding competitions as well. It was something that always intrigued me. I knew that if I never went for it I would always regret it. I am so glad I followed through!

4. If I asked your closest friend, to give me 5 words they would use to describe you, what what he/she say?

Intense
Mom
Dedicated
Loyal
Fit

5. Do you see yourself the same way as your closest friend does? Yes/No explain.

Yes. These are all things that are part of my personality.

6. What does happiness mean to you?

Being content with how your life is.

7. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?

I tend to get very anxious and it often results in me being on edge. It’s something I wish I could control better.

8. If you could send a message to the world in 30 seconds, what would you say?

You can’t always make everyone happy. Do your best and keep pushing forward.

9. What chances have you passed up on in your life that you now regret?

I don’t feel like I’ve passed up any chances in life. There are things that I wish I could go back and do differently, but I don’t think I ever let anything get away from me that I regret.

10. How do you apply the learning from this regret to your actions today? (see question #9)

I mentioned there were things that I I wish I had done differently. I wouldn’t call it regret but more being afraid of the unknown. For example I wish I could have chosen a different major in college. The reason I didn’t was because I was afraid of not knowing what to do with my degree or fear of not being good at it. I’ve learned that you have to take chances in life and really go for what you want.

11. What would you do differently if you knew no one was judging you? Why do you care if people are judging you?

I never worry about what people are thinking of me (unless of course it is my family telling me not to do something that they feel isn’t in my best interest or is dangerous). I don’t think you should ever live your life worried about someone else’s thoughts. You only get one life to live.

12. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you and how did you continue to move forward?

The worst thing that has ever happened to me was when my tooth cracked all the way through to my root. Sounds silly but the pain was worse the labor. I grind my teeth at night and did it to a point that I cracked not only my tooth but also the root all the way down into the gum. The pain was EXCRUCIATING. It radiated from my jaw up into my temples and my entire skull. It felt as if my skull was going to explode. I ended up having the tooth pulled in an emergency and ever since then have had to wear a mouthguard to sleep (sexy). I am terrified of anything ever happening to it because I could never go another night without it!

13. What is the best thing that ever happened to you and what did you learn from that?

The best thing that has ever happened to me was having my children. It taught me that “things” are just that, things. I don’t believe there is a greater moment in life then holding your child for the first time.

14. If karma was coming back to you, what would happen to you?

Yikes. I don’t know but I hope it’s all good.

15. What terrifies you the most?

Flying in airplanes. I haven’t done it in over 5-6 years.

16. What did you want to be as a kid, why? Are you doing that now? If not, why not?

I honestly don’t remember what I wanted to be as a kid. I don’t think I thought about it too often. I was always so happy playing sports, being with my friends and enjoying life.

17. Whose life have you had the greatest impact on?

I would hope my children.

18. Who has had the biggest impact on your life and why?

My husband. Together we have created a beautiful life and I don’t think anyone could have more of an impact on me then the person who helped me become a mom. It’s the best gift I’ve ever received.

19. What do you want most out of your life?

To be happy and fulfilled in all aspects of my life (as a mom, wife, blogger, etc), for my children to look up to and appreciate me. I hope that my kids are never embarrassed of me or afraid to talk to me and that I can create a relationship with them where they feel like they can tell me or ask me anything without feeling scared or ashamed. Personally I am trying to grow my blog and it’s something I have been working really hard on. I hope that I can continue to make it grow and provide even more income for our family.

20. How do you plan on getting there? What is your goal and outcome to achieve # 19?

Right now we have baby no. 3 on the way and my plan for the moment is to try to be calm and enjoy life and all things that brings for us. With 2 toddlers already I know that it will be difficult but I also know that it goes fast. Of course for my children I will continue to let them express themselves freely and ask me anything that comes to their mind. For my personal goals such as my blog I plan to continue working on my SEO, do guest posting, get more organized and start reaching out to brands on my own without waiting for them to approach me or going through a network. I also plan to put more time into my blog itself in terms of being able to offer more right from my site like my custom workouts. For now they are available via request but I would like to make it easier for users and be able to offer the purchase for download right from my site.

21. What is something that you have given up on? How did you feel?

I’m not a quitter. I have never given up on anything in my life, it’s just not who I am.

22. What is something you should have given up on? How did it make you feel?

There’s nothing that I feel I should have given up.

23. Would your life be better or worse, if you knew the time and place where you would die? Explain.

Worse. Some people might look at it like since they know they can enjoy themselves to the fullest and be prepared. For me, it would make me a nervous wreck and would be on my mind everything second of every day and I would just be waiting for it.

24. What would people say at your funeral? Are you happy with what would be said? Explain.

I think people would say I was a great mom. I was always competitive, determined, loved to dance

25. If not now, then when?

I am not a procrastinator by any means. It’s something that drives me nuts.

26. Are you holding onto something, you need to let go of?

Probably a few too many shoes and some grudges.

27. Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?

I don’t think it’s either. I think crying is a normal emotion and it doesn’t dictate the type of person you are. It’s normal for people to frown when they’re mad, smile when they’re happy, cry when they’re sad. I don’t think anyone should ever be judged as a whole for showing their emotions (unless it’s all the time and over the top).

28. If you had a friend/family member who spoke to you in the same way you speak to yourself, how long would you allow that person to be your friend?

I never really thought about the way that I speak to myself. I guess I would say no. I don’t think that I give myself enough credit sometimes for all the things I tend to juggle on a daily basis.

29.When have you felt as if life was unfair? Explain.

I feel lucky to say that I haven’t had a moment like this. My family is healthy, happy and well cared for.

30. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

I do everything fully. I never go into something half ass. I’m an all or nothing type of person.

31. What was the best or worst part about working on this activity?

Some of the questions really made me think! I don’t think there were any bad parts about it. I enjoyed taking the time to really answer the questions.

32. What is something you hope that other readers take away from your responses?

I would hope that people see being honest with themselves (and others) isn’t so bad. It can be a nice release and a great way to get something off your shoulders. Sometimes writing things out is much easier than talking about it.

Lauren is so social!

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Continue “Doing Life” your way, not theirs!

My Social Media Detox, Three Days of Reconnecting.

Social media is defined as “websites and applications that enable users to create and share content or to participate in social networking.” Some examples of social media include Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter and the list goes on and on. Over 1.5 billion people utilize Facebook and that is not even counting the other heavily utilized social media platforms. I am one of those people.

I have a Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest and semi inactive Twitter account (only because I have no clue how to “Tweet”.) I utilize these platforms mainly for business purposes but I have one “private” Instagram account (how ironic really, because there is nothing private about it.) I spend a minimum of twenty minutes to “on average” two hours or less, on social media per day. This time is mainly devoted to my business but who would I be kidding, if I said I didn’t do mindless scrolling and clicking. It is when I get trapped in that cycle, that I know I waste the most time. The real question is, why do I do this? Why do most of us do this?

So with anything in life, there are certainly pros and cons involved with social media. I mean first and foremost we get to connect and network with people from all around the globe. Over 1.5 billion people on Facebook alone, it is safe to say our network multiplies like rabbits, when we are on social media. We have this unique opportunity to expose ourselves to so much more, than if we were just restricted to our personal and professional networks. We would be limited to just who we know naturally which is a pro and con, depending on your purpose.

The most negative part about social media is the addiction to it (please tell me others feel the same too.) If you do not believe it is an addiction, just step out to a public place and take a look at all the rounded necks. It is absolutely insane to witness. Everyone is participating in someone else’s life, except their own.

I mean for my own observations and experiment I have been much more cognizant of this. I notice that pretty much every person in a restaurant is eating, scrolling and ignoring the person they are in the company of. More often than not, that person is scrolling too. I thought in my head, ugh, this is an epidemic. It is everywhere though. Work, walking here or there, exercising, eating, I could make an endless list. People are disconnecting by connecting. What an oxymoron, if you ask me.

To be honest and maybe this sounds cold, I am exhausted when it comes to investing my time in people, who constantly check their phone. When in a conversation with others it would only be polite to be respectful and put the phone away for 8.12 seconds. I truly yearn for face to face, undistracted conversation with others.

So as I looked in the proverbial mirror and saw I was just as guilty of the same sometimes, it was at that moment, that I decided I needed a break from social media. I longed to disconnect to reconnect and reunite with just living “simplistically” again.

In my case checking social media became routine, like brushing my teeth. Almost like a drug (sounds dramatic but I am dead serious), I had this robotic routine. I would check it for a few minutes every morning right when I was having my coffee and breakfast. Then all day long, I would visit in small increments just “catching” up on who knows what. Sitting here or there, ahh might as well check out social media. Every free second of the day was just filled with mindless scrolling. The ironic part was, I was never actually “free.”

I mean the uncanny part about social media, is that it provides you with this false connection and a bogus tie to people, we do not even know. So many times people will say, oh wow I saw this post or that post of yours and it almost seems like a privacy violation, yet it is not because we choose to share it. We are so open, then so surprised, when we have zero privacy. Yet we have no problem opening our book of life up, for anyone to read. We have created this monster of always feeling “connected.” When in actuality, it could not be further from the truth. People are more disconnected than ever.

I remember one time seeing someone who I was friends with on social media out in public, out of the computer realm, OMG people actually exist in real life. Well, that person politely said hello and we exchanged the normal how’s it going bit, perfectly sweet and effortless. There was one problem though. When that person left, I was feeling quite perplexed, as I was left wondering how I “knew” them. It turns out we were Facebook friends.

I mean you can have as many followers, friends whatever you want to call them as you want. The problem exists because we feel like we’re friends but that is not possible with strangers. I mean reflecting on it all, it is just our need as humans to feel validated. In exchange, it brings us to this point of developing false relationships with people. Can you believe thirty-six people liked my picture, on vacation in Dubai? Weird, I actually only “know” three of them. We have to ask ourselves, how much sharing is too much sharing? When is enough, enough?

One of my biggest cons was I would have certain tasks that I would want to complete and then by the end of the day, only some of it would be done. When peeling back the layers of the day, it was because I spent on average, two hours or less, on social media both professionally and personally. I lost focus easily and then by the end of the night I was kicking myself in the butt because I was left with that days responsibilities piling up for tomorrow. It was like a vicious cycle.

You see we are always immediately available to everyone via our devices. Email, social media, text messages, phone calls etc. We have to immediately answer to quench other’s needs. I have to tell you that it can wait. There is never a moment when I was just at peace with a naturally quiet mind. I would mistakenly think, that sitting quietly and scrolling through these sites was “rest” but I knew better, because my mind was begging for a break. It never stopped, even when I thought it was.

In all honesty as I work to change my life and become the person I need to be, I find I roadblock myself unintentionally. I was inadvertently bringing my own energy down. If it is not the laundry list of complaints littering social media, it’s bad news, political debates, medical debates, people passively aggressively fighting with others, the keyboard warriors of social media, just setting this unexplainable toxic tone.

Out of every ten posts, there is maybe one really positive one. When people are happy on Social Media, most followers refuse to share those feelings with others publicly, instead mocking the person on the social media sidelines (we all know the keyboard warriors.) As I was reflecting I thought why is it so natural to question why people are happy? Aren’t we supposed to be joyful? It is like the world is addicted to fighting, being miserable and consumed with what everyone else is doing, except what really matters, ourselves.

So as I conclude this detox, I am now a little over three days free from Social media and guess what? I am still here to tell you about it! Initially I only set a goal of one day but I felt so fantastic, one day turned into two days, which turned into three days. Believe me, I am not trying to sell ice to an Eskimo but I have to tell you, to be fair, the following things I have observed personally, by participating in this involuntary “detox.”

I have more clarity
More energy
More focus
I slept like a baby
Fewer interruptions
I have made gourmet meals
I spent even more time with my kids
I have been a better wife
I have been happier
I have felt more hopeful with humans
I read a magazine
I read some of my book which I have been turtle pace reading and still never finishing
I have used more of my creativity
I have focused on self-care
I have focused on working out again
I listened to music
I was more mindful
I was able to truly listen to the people who matter
Given decent advice to others
I was a better friend
More helpful, without feeling stressed
My safety has improved, I have not used my phone while driving (This one is huge)

There is a lot more, trust me. This has been life changing.

Again, I am not trying to sell ice, to Eskimos but if you are feeling foggy, overstimulated or just bla in general, I highly suggest trying this out for yourself. You will be completely stunned at how free, mindful and optimistic you feel.

My new addiction is feeling like this longer. However, I know social media is an amazing tool, which has opened up the world to us. Now, I just promise that I will only open it up, a little at a time.

Continue “Doing Life” your way, not theirs.

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Think Differently

I am a huge Tony Robbins fan. I listen to his podcasts on my way to and from work. If you have never heard him speak, simply put, you are missing out!

While I listen to his speeches, I can’t help but feel this energy seep into my soul (deep right?). His optimism, paired with simple solutions to change your life, both personally and professionally, make even the most lost find hope again. Sold yet?

I don’t know about you but I love the idea of simplistic solutions in regards to personal improvement. It makes it impossible to turn on the excuse generator, which most rely on for safety, including myself. Human nature is quite a miracle.

So here is what I request of you. Think about your own attitude and answer the following questions below honestly.

How is your attitude on average?

Positive, negative?

Now think about the top five people you surround yourself with.

What is their attitude like?

Is your attitude similiar to your top five?

If you answer as truthfully as possible, more often than not, it is going to be the same as your own attitude. If you have a negative attitude, you most likely place yourself in an environment with the same type of people. You know, the whole birds of a feather, flock together deal. It is really accurate.

I know, I know, escaping negativity is sometimes very challenging. Things like work, family, well they kind of matter, so escaping negativity in your environment seems impossible but that is part of your trained mindset. Things can improve just by retraining your mind to think differently. You might think, how do you know? I have actually improved my own life by thinking differently! Over time, one challenge at a time, I have slowly made progress, in transforming my own life and attitude.

For example, I caught myself responding “same shit, different day” constantly, when people asked what is up/what is going on? It was kind of my go to response, when basically saying nothing much is up but not wanting to get sucked into complaining. Not necessarily a bad response but not a good one either.

SAME SHIT. DIFFERENT DAY. Ugh, I could cringe just typing that. As I peeled back the layers, I realized how negative that sounded, even when that was not my intention every single time.

Why did I trap myself into thinking this response was positive because I did not attach actual complaints to it? I realized though, that just by releasing this response, I potentially dampened the person’s mood I was responding to. How selfish right? I mean I never thought about it that way, until hearing this particular Tony Robbins speech. I have to tell you, that it only takes one simple choice to be prepared to choose joy.

So, the premise of Tony’s speech is to control your thoughts, responses and start thinking differently in your personal and professional life. Nothing crazy!

“Every one of us right now could get into a state of absolute joy, by thinking of all the great things in life, just as we could have everything and still be unhappy if we always focus on something negative. If you find someone who is incredibly happy, the reason is probably that they focus continuously on what makes them happy.”

-Tony Robbins

By responding “same shit different day.” I inadvertently was robbing the joy out of my own day and maybe the person I was responding to, too. Even if there was no negative connotation I could have just chose to say the day is great, can you believe how pretty the snow looks? Or maybe, I am having an awesome day, I can’t wait to get home because my son is having his winter concert. Whatever the case is Tony Robbins wants to awaken and retrain your mind. Challenging us to think differently, so you can experience all the joy, which life offers us. He is selfless and incredible.

Think about how much easier it is to get caught up in a negative state. So much easier than pushing yourself into the positive most of the time, if that is already your pattern. As we know from the past, one upset happens and it seems to snowball into a collection of them by the end of the day. Or so we think. We choose to continue collecting the negatives and not the positives. We essentially punish ourselves because we do not think differently.

That is why most people, we encounter in our daily life, don’t choose joy. These people, we all know some, focus on the one or two bad things that happened during one day, ignoring anything good. Most people like this, thrive on the attention that the negative brings. We need to stay away from these people, if we can’t help them think differently too. Toxic people, choose to stay sick. Don’t catch anything from them by staying too close.

Here is the ultimate example of how powerful, thinking differently really is.

Tony tells a story about a man who had gone swimming one night in Hawaii. He was an avid swimmer. While swimming he was attacked by a shark in an area he knew was infested at certain times. So what do you think happens? Bingo! As he swam in the Hawaiian waters, a shark mistook him for feed and wound up biting his leg. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it(you’ll read later), the swimmer wound up losing his leg.

I want to stop there though.

How would you feel if this was you?

If you were swimming in the waters and wound up losing your leg to a shark bite?

Be honest.

I know when I answered honestly, I “think” I would be devastated. I “think” I would most likely feel sorry for myself and just feel so resentful and angry. I assume there would be a lot of people who would feel the same way too.

So, Tony continues on telling the story about the man feeling sad. I knew it! He feels like I would too!

NOPE.

WRONG.

He feels sad for the shark. Say what? Sad for the shark? That beast just ate his leg off! The man felt sad for the shark because he realized, that it was actually his fault this “accident” happened. He was where he should not have been swimming and he paid the price with the loss of his leg.

The man took responsibility and acknowledged that he was swimming at a time when sharks feed and he unintentionally attracted the shark to him. He knew that his decision to swim at feeding time, ultimately made this accident his fault. He did not blame the shark. He actually felt bad for the shark because this would cause people to become angry and start killing sharks in the area. Can you say unimaginable mindset?

Just imagine, the sheer strength it would take to have that mindset? To realize, that choosing to focus on something other than our pain and transforming it, well that is truly the key to thinking differently. To finding the joy in our own situation, despite the fact that others would never blame you for being upset. There is certainly bad but we focus on the good only. That is exactly what thinking differently means.

Look, I am realistic though. Everyone has days that are rocky. I get it. Since hearing this speech , I have made a valiant effort at changing my thinking. Focusing on the positive instead of the negative and guess what?

Within one time of choosing positive over negative, I instantly felt better. Now, the naysayers are thinking bullshit. The positive people are saying, AMEN! I have to tell you though, that it is no joke. I have noticed how miserable people are just by making this change and I don’t want to be that way. I mean when I say we rob ourselves of joy, WOW, doesn’t that sting? We literally and figuratively steal our own happiness.

Next time you decide to react. Take a moment. Pause. What are you about to say? Is there any way that you can spin your negative, into a positive? I would bet a coffee and pedicure, that there is! Try it! You won’t be let down.

As you start perfecting, thinking differently, continue challenging yourself to do this more often. You will live a more joyful, fulfilled life, focused on the good. Life is too short to be miserable. We should only have time for joy, isn’t that what life is all about?

Check out Tony’s video below!